Financial Infidelity is Not New

And it seems to be growing more common in our society

‘Financial infidelity’ blows up a shocking number of relationships — why lying about money is so damaging,’ blared the New York Post headline last week. The article explains that a recent survey by Casinos Analyzer found that 41% of people hide their spending from a partner. What’s more, 57% said this habit has led to a breakup.

Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a licensed relationship therapist and expert at Casinos Analyzer, explained in the study that this kind of infidelity, “whether it’s hiding a purchase, downplaying debt, or quietly overspending,” can be “just as damaging as any other form of betrayal.”

In the same week, the Post reported on another financial infidelity survey, this time focusing on men. In a Talker Research survey of 2,000 men commissioned by Beyond Finance for Men’s Mental Health Month, 49% of those who are married or in a committed relationship (60% of respondents) shared that they have kept money-related secrets. Some of this secrecy appears to result from pressure to be financially successful — something 48% of men surveyed admitted to feeling. Of these men, 56% said the pressure comes from themselves, but 27% said they felt societal pressure to be financially successful.

In a January 2025 survey from Bankrate on financial infidelity, 42% of U.S. adults who are married or living with a partner say they’ve kept a financial secret from their significant other. More than a quarter of these adults, or 28%, believe that keeping financial secrets from a partner is as bad as physically cheating, with 7% saying it’s worse than a physical affair.

Why all these surveys on financial cheating among committed partners?

It’s an important issue. An increase in surveys may mean that financial infidelity is becoming more and more common, which I think is the case. If so, it’s a sad development.

Being duped by a loved one is the ultimate betrayal. If you look at any of the surveys out there, however, you’ll see that they don’t include many, if any, examples of duped loved ones.

From first-hand experience, I can tell you that there is so much shame in having your husband defraud you. I get why people don’t want to talk about it, particularly in public forums like the media.

In my case, he forged my name on several loans (and misspelled it on one), borrowed money from a mobster, and put me and our two kids down as collateral. The utter shock was untenable; the aftermath, unbearable.

But life has a way of sorting itself out. There’s a saying out there that goes like this: “Some people write memoirs to heal; others write them because they are healed.” Many years after these events happened to me, I’m good. And the more I tell my story, the more I hear about others who are ashamed to tell theirs.

I get it. But my writing is about changing that.