Note to Setbacks: Move Forward

A Wonder Woman in Business Podcast

This week, I’ve been thinking about setbacks. Not mine, however, but for others.

Six stitches after a fall on the tennis court, an ill husband undergoing dialysis, a dear friend diagnosed with endometrial cancer.

It’s hard to think of anyone in life who has only an upward trajectory. Instead, we’re up, we’re down, and sometimes we’re somewhere in between. It can also be equally hard to be the patient as the caregiver.

I’d like to think I know a thing or two about setbacks. I’ve had a few.

In

Susan Freeman

’s Wonder Women in Business podcast, I shared some of my ‘expensive wisdom’ as a victim of financial infidelity, a fancy phrase for being defrauded by my then-husband.

With setbacks, there are lots of lessons to learn. The one that most resonates with me is this: Move Forward. No matter the setback’s difficulty or degree, you must find a way to move forward.

As I say in the podcast, “…..we can all find answers in our own redemption if we move forward. But that's the key. I mean, yeah, you can have your pity party and, you know, stay at home and cry, but you've got to get up and move ahead no matter what. And if you can't, ask someone to help you.”

I’d be honored if you listened to the podcast. There’s also a full transcript (below) if you’d like to read the interview.

Thanks to Susan Freeman for the opportunity to participate in the series. Special thanks to Natalie Borneo who conducted the interview.

Click here to listen to my Wonder Woman in Business podcast. Scroll down to read the transcript.

Freeman Means Business' Wonder Women in Business Podcast

By Susan Freeman

Amplifying Women's Voices Through Storytelling

Why is storytelling important? Stories have a transformative power to allow us to see the world in a different way than we do if we just encounter it on our own. Stories are an entry point to understanding a different experience of the world. Storytelling – presenting a different perspective of the world – is important when it comes to connecting with each other. It gives us an opportunity to learn from another person’s experience and it can shape, strengthen, or challenge our opinions and values.

And now, here is a transcript of the podcast conversation:

Natalie Borneo: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Freeman Means Business Wonder Woman in Business podcast. Everyone has a story, and our Wonder Woman in Business podcast gives a voice to the woman who has a story that is meaningful, moving, and compelling. We share their stories, or rather they share their stories with the world. So, in their shining, they give permission to others to shine. Today's guest is a woman who tickles my funny bone.

Her name is Anne Gallagher, and she is a trained lawyer and journalist who spent many years consulting with law firms and other professional services organizations. When we have this conversation, Anne is going to share the new chapter in her life, the direction that she's going in. However, we're going to start at the beginning. So, we want to invite Anne into this conversation. And, Anne, we want to ask you to start by telling us your story, that story of the younger Anne and her journey to where you are now.

Go as far back as you can thinking about those things in your childhood that started to shape and form your unique you.

Anne Gallagher: Natalie, thank you so much for the opportunity to talk with you and your listeners. I hope I truly do have something meaningful, moving, and compelling to share.

Natalie: I know you do.

Anne: Because certainly a lot of people, women and men, have helped me along my journey, and I'd like to be able to give back in some way. So, when I think about my life, I had a wonderful childhood growing up in Wisconsin with two loving, caring parents, and I, lived a little bit of Americana. I grew up as a trusting, kind person who thought about that everyone had goodness in them. And so that was how I kind of came into my life, that good things happen, people are good, expect the best, and everything falls into place.

Natalie: I'm suspecting that there is a twist to this plot. So, we want to kind of know about some of your transition. So, coming in with that very idealistic, open personality, I'm sure that you began to see things differently as you moved from Wisconsin into different spaces. Well, I went to through. Yeah.

Walk us through some of that.

Anne: Thank you. So, I went to school at the University of Wisconsin. I received two degrees.

I had just a wonderful opportunity to study abroad. I studied in the South of France. It opened up my cultural horizons. I also, during law school, worked in London for a summer and earned some credit and just loved traveling. And I have to tell you, Natalie, my sense of the goodness of people continued, to that point.

And, you know, I had a lovely career and met, wonderful people in the legal marketing and professional services marketing sphere, but that isn't the story I came today to tell. So, the story that I wanted to tell, and you referenced the new chapter of my life, which is, very apt because that chapter is a manuscript.

So, I've just completed a manuscript, and I'm working to get literary representation if I can and get it published and bring this larger story to the world because what happened to me as life went on was this wonderful trusting person met the most charming, beguiling man who defrauded me, and my wonderful life became a true crime story. And that is the manuscript I've written, and I want to share that story with people as I start this journey of trying to get this work published because I think it will help people, but it also sure learned a lot. I mean, I got life handed to me, and I got it handed to me hard.

And I dealt with issues like betrayal and shame, embarrassment, And I had to find a way to the other side. And that's the story I'd like to talk to you about today.

Natalie: Wow. That is tremendous and certainly, the complete opposite of what you probably expected your life to be. And I think many women do find themselves in situations that they're like, how did I get here? What led me to this space? So, be before we twist into the manuscript, in the midst of the crisis that you found yourself in, what or who was it that sort of helped you get your bearings, find your footing?

You know, was there someone who helped you to pull yourself out of that mire or, you know, what was that like? Help us understand.

Anne: Yeah. I think the nice way of saying what happened to me is the defecation hit the ventilation.

Natalie: Okay. I have a visual.

Anne: You have a visual. You know, I'm drawing a picture. And there were several angels along the way who helped me. One at the time was I had an assistant who I think literally saved my life. Another was the criminal lawyer I hired when things started getting really, really bad.

And, you know, lawyers sometimes get a bad rap, but there are some extraordinary people out there. And this particular individual also saved me. I'll give you a little more intrigue in that, along the way, I met an FBI agent because there was an FBI investigation into my husband. And, I think the government had my back and helped me through a very, very challenging situation where I eventually became a government witness against him, my husband, this wonderful charming person. And so, like I say, it got pretty thorny and hard, but there were people who were there, you know, to help me through it.

And without those people, I would not be here today. I truly believe that.

Natalie: What was maybe the most unexpected type of support that you found helpful? Because, you know, as women too, even especially in this I can't even imagine this situation, but they're one of two things. You either say nothing and you shrink away. You sort of disappear, or you find yourself, maybe taken advantage of by people or gaining a label from people. So even in in the middle of crisis, you you're doing a lot of defensive tackle work, but you also need the right support.

Anne: All of the above, you know, happened and were true. And what I experienced was really the sense of loss of self, like you say. I stopped talking to people. I became so ashamed of what had been what was happening to me. Essentially, my own husband signed my name on loans, forged my name, and obligated me to hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt.

And that's just one of the things. He also spelled my name wrong, which I guess proves the point that criminals are not the smartest people. So where were we? I'm losing my train of thought.

Natalie: This was the loss of self and…..

Anne: Oh, the loss of self. I became so ashamed that I had been defrauded. I thought I was a smart, successful person, and I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. And I wasn't sure how I was going to get out of it. And so I didn't tell people what was happening because I was so ashamed.

And so, I had this assistant, I refer to her as Paz, who was my confidant, who I could tell anything to, who was there for me twenty- four seven and got me through this situation. We got through it together. I mean, yes, I paid her, but it wasn't the money I was paying her. We became compatriots in trying to navigate all the frauds that had been traded against me and get me out of this really difficult situation.

Natalie: Wow. Well, thank goodness for having a confidante and having the courage to reach out to someone for help, because that's really important. Now, would you say in all of this and through your experience that there was a moment when you found your calling or your purpose or your you know, what there's some transformation that happened here. And, you know, you go from the gullible to the abused and the, you know, to what? What was that transformative piece that we should understand?

Anne: Yeah. I'll say too. I didn't know I was gullible because I didn't know what was happening. I literally got a call from the bank. You know, I didn't know that I had been defrauded.

And so this was something I had to combat throughout the entire journey that people thought either I was complicit with my husband's frauds. I knew about it. I was stupid. I was an unwitting participant to someone who was forging my name on various loans. And when I found out, I didn't know what to do.

You know, I was panicked. Absolutely panicked. But you asked another question. What was the other part of that question?

Natalie: I asked about that transformative piece. Like, so now what is this calling for you? What is this purpose? What did that whole journey and experience lead to for Anne Gallagher?

Anne: Thank you, Natalie. So, at first, I thought when I found out about the first fraud, he had essentially quit claimed or transferred the title of a house to himself and stripped out all the equity. And I unwittingly, you know, assumed that debt. I just thought I'll work harder. You know?

And I the time I had two kids, and I thought, you know what? He said he was really sorry when I confronted him. I believed him, which, you know, was something that I probably should not have done. There was this one quote that I read that said the lion is most handsome when looking for food. You know, he was so charming and good looking and handsome that I cut him a lot of slack.

The other thing that was going on at the time is he developed cancer, and everyone felt very, very sorry for him. And so I felt I was stuck. And so, I thought, you know what? I'll just work harder, and I'll pay off the debt. And no one will know.

And I'll just keep working harder and harder. But you asked for kind of a, you know, a point where the fire turned on. And, Gloria Steinem wrote a book. And the book was called The Truth Will Set You Free, But First It Will Piss You Off. And that was my moment of transformation when I got pissed off.

And it's really an incredible story, which I'll compress a little bit. I, one day got a call from the bank that they were foreclosing on an office building I owned. I had my own business. I was consulting. I owned the office building.

And they said, you know, we can't find the release of loan for this half-million-dollar loan. I said, well, I never took out a half-million dollar loan, but it had been recorded at the Cook County recorder of deeds. And my trusted assistant, Paz, looked it up, you know, on the database and said to me, Gallagher, this is really bad. It's really, really bad, Gallagher. I said, what do you mean?

She goes, I know who holds the paper on this loan and, you know, his name ends in a vowel. It was a mobster. It was a low-level mobster. And so, again, I thought by this point, I had learned that my husband was not the best of people, and so I didn't tell him (that we had found information). But we filed a fraudulent loan complaint with the Cook County state's attorney.

And then I hired a lawyer to get rid of this fraudulent loan against me, half million dollars, and I didn't tell him. And so, one day, and because things had developed in the way they did, I didn't tell him a lot of things because it was like living with the enemy. So, one day, I came home, and he said to me, you know, you gotta stop this stuff with Jeff. And I said, I don't know a Jeff, but, of course, I did. Well, Jeff apparently, you know, had gotten my lawyer had contacted him.

The state's attorney's office had contacted him, and he was mad. So, he went to my then husband and said, you better tell her to stop this. So, my husband said to me, you gotta stop it. And in fact, we we're gonna meet with Jeff and talk about our repayment plan. And at this point, it was probably the third fraudulent loan that he had put up against me.

And I just something snapped. And I said to him, we're not meeting with Jeff, and I'm going to divorce you. Like, I'm done. I can't take you through cancer. I can't do anything anymore.

And he said to me, well, you don't have the courage. And that one line….I would say, pissed me off. And something clicked, and I thought, no more. I'm going to get redemption. I am taking care of business.

And I went and did just that.

Natalie: Wow. Well, I applaud you. But, you know, you it got it got all the way up here, and you were like, enough is enough.

Anne: That's right.

Natalie: So moving forward, you would say, you know, you learned a lot of things, and you said that I did. Along the way. Yeah. You did a lot of new things as well. What is something that you've learned recently?

After the chaos, the tornado, the hurricane, what is something new that you recently learned? Maybe it's about you. Maybe it's about something else in your new orbit, but share something that is new to you and hopefully new positive to you.

Anne: I'm here to tell the story. And that is very positive. But what I learned and, you know, I hate to default to a quote again, but there are a couple good ones that I've picked up over time.

So I'm going to repeat something that Martin Luther King Junior said. He said, our lives begin to end the day we stay silent about things that matter. And what I learned in writing this manuscript and in getting started on this project is that there's a term called financial abuse. It's (called) financial infidelity, and it's very common. Some studies say as many as, as much as, could be 40% of partners hold financial secrets from each other.

And this is a trend that seems to be go growing. If you Google it as I have, you can find all this information about this growing trend of financial infidelity where partners, whether, you know, they be business partners, romantic partners, whatever it may be, hide secrets, financial secrets from one another. And it goes beyond just taking out a credit card or doing too much shopping. It's what happened to me, and perhaps mine is the extreme example, taking out loans in someone else's name, defrauding people. And, you know, in reading the surveys, I think it's almost 90% of the people surveyed say that financial infidelity is as bad or worse than sexual infidelity.

It's a betrayal that puts a stain. It puts a mark on people. And I think sends people into tailspins that I went into such as shame, you know, the feelings of shame and betrayal.

Natalie: Right. Absolutely.

Anne: So, I guess to sum that up, I learned just to stay silent is to hide the things that matter. And I feel like I have an opportunity to talk, use my own story to tell others about these important things.

Natalie: Using your voice for good.

Anne: Using my voice for good. Yes.

Natalie: Absolutely. What is a routine then, Anne? You know, because wellness comes to mind now with all of this, taking care of yourself, making sure that you are your best self for yourself and for the kids, your children, you mentioned two children. What is a routine that you practice or follow every day? What is it that helps you with your self-care?

Anne: That’s a good question. I think, staying active and staying positive. So that young girl who grew up in Wisconsin, she's back. She still thinks the best of people because to not do so would mean someone else has won against me. And I have won because I have self.

I have self-esteem, and I do stay active. I am a really active tennis player. This summer, I'm on three traveling teams. So, if I have a routine, it's usually involving tennis, which is a great way to stay, fit and mentally and physically.

Natalie: Absolutely. I love that because you really do need to have that outlet, as well. And it's competitive enough.

Anne: for you to burn that get the adrenaline going and whack some balls, baby.

Natalie: Well, what absolutely excites you now? What are you excited about? You know, this new Anne, where you are, what you're doing, what, what one thing, and it could be something small, excites you?

Anne: So I think most of my career I've, you know, been in business for thirty plus years. You know, I've heard that people can have second acts and new chapters, but I didn't necessarily believe it. And now, my current self just feels very excited about working on new projects, interacting with different people, trying new things. The publishing journey is really interesting. It's something that I didn't know about.

And so I've taken classes and, you know, writing classes and classes on how to publish, etcetera. And it's just a whole new world to explore. And I'm very excited about being part of it. You know, a small part of it, but a part of it nonetheless.

Natalie: Well, I think you'll be a big part of it. So, I'm excited for you, and I think it's wonderful to have this amazing second act. You just don't know where it could go, but it's yours to move it in the direction that you want it to go. So, all of this brings me to authenticity and, you know, being your authentic self, which I'm sure you are right now. But what would you say to another woman about the importance of being authentic?

What does it mean in your life right now?

Anne: I think when we decide to be authentic, and for me that means telling this story, I open myself up to bigger and better relationships, real happiness, real success. And I think it's important because I really believe that behind every life, every meaningful life, there has to be some kind of worthwhile pain. And all of us go through pain. And if I want to give advice to others, it's this, that you must move forward, especially when it hurts. When you're in a place that you don't want to be, you must find a way to move forward.

And I think that is when you find your true authentic self.

Natalie: I think that's true. Moving forward even when it hurts Yeah. And recognizing that behind every meaningful and that's key. Meaningful life. There's got to be that worthwhile pain.

Wow.

Anne: Right. And I think in my own situation, just to give it a little color, is I was wounded and hurting. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't understand that pain could be worthwhile. And I think a lot of women, a lot of people are in situations that hurt a great deal, and I wanted to understand why.

The why. And that was part of my journey. Why did this happen? Why did this happen to me?

How can it make sense? How can I be better because of these terrible things that happened to me? And, you know, I found an answer. I found several answers. And I think we can all find answers in our own redemption if we move forward.

But that's the key. I mean, yeah, you can have your pity party and, you know, stay at home and cry, but you've got to get up and move ahead no matter what. And if you can't, ask someone to help you. And if you're the helper like Paz, my friend Paz was my help. You know, it is a gift beyond measure.

Natalie: It is a gift beyond measure. More than just lip service, really helping.

Anne: Right. And I think that is the cycle that we're in. Sometimes we're the one laying wounded on the floor, and sometimes we're the one picking our friend up. And that is a cycle and we will be all those things as we move ahead in life. Nobody gets a pass.

Right?

Natalie: Nobody gets a pass. It just comes at different times in different phases and at different stages, but nobody gets a pass. But you have to move forward despite the pain. And I think that's so important. Yep.

Not folding up the tents. This young girl from Wisconsin is something and this has been great. So, you know, I know our listeners have walked away with a lot of OMG moments, hearing your story and just listening to the conviction and the resilience, of, you know, where you've been and where you are today. If they want to reach out to you and stay in touch or contact you, what's the best way for them to do that?

Anne: Well, certainly LinkedIn is a common way to do so, but I also welcome, emails. And people can email me at my name, Anne Gallagher, and it's Anne with an e. Gallagher is g a l l a g h e r, the number eight after that,@gmail.com (annegallagher8@gmail.com). And I would be happy to start building a community. So I am, as part of my author's journey, going put a website back up (www.annegallagher.com) and, you know, have a mailing list.

And so I'm beginning to create that author's platform, and I welcome help and support from anybody who is interested in my story.

Natalie: We really believe in the power of storytelling. It is life changing and lifesaving. So, congratulations on that. And, you know, as you quoted, the truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off. I love that.

Anne: And you know what? That's actually Gloria Steinem's book. That's the title, and then there's, like, a colon and it says a memoir. I mean, what a force of nature.

Natalie: What, right? Force of nature. Well, thank you for being a force of nature. I really enjoyed our conversation today, and I know many others did. So, thank you so much for walking us through your journey.

We are excited about your second act and your new chapter, and we've learned so much about financial infidelity and the how could this happen to me, situation. So, thank you for telling your story. We enjoyed it, and wishing you the very best as you move forward with your manuscript and that story.

Anne: Thank you, Natalie. It's been a pleasure. And, again, I want to thank you and Susan for all the good you do with this podcast.

Natalie: Thank you. Take care.